December 05, 2007

It really is a barrel of monkeys dealing with my mortgage company (with a name that rhymes with Fuckwit, or at least sounds like it should) which has figured out that I left the country and so has, each month, tried some new scheme to fuck with me.

Me! The angry, suspicious guy with nothing to do but keep asking for more supervisors!

This sounds paranoid, but really it isn't. There is a pattern, man.

All of my problems started the second I set up automatic payments. That sent Fuckwit corp. into a fit trying to figure out how to screw everything up.

It is a perfect example that these banks actually don't want you to make payments on time, to have good credit, or otherwise to do all of the things they claim to want. What they really want to do is, of course, screw you over and hope you don't notice. They want you to stumble and hopefully fall so they can then feed your entrails to dogs, financially speaking.

The real reason the mortgage business is collapsing across the US is because it is a house of cards built upon lies, thievery, malfeasance, and greed, alloyed a bit with incompetence.

Some time ago Undismayed detailed how the clowns at my city tax office managed, while shoving pencils in their noses, to erase my existence. (no worries, I won't re-detail that).

It happens, not by accident, that my mortgage company, when they got some revised and screwed up bill, took that very moment to recalculate my escrow payments (and therefore my monthly payments) significantly upwards.

At the same time, for reasons far too fucking boring to explain here, they also decided arbitrarily that I no longer had an insurance company (though that had not changed at all) and helpfully took out new insurance for me, in my name and without asking me, at cost to me. Meanwhile, they double paid my actual insurance policy that they claimed no longer to know existed, and took that as another reason to ramp up my monthly payment.

Still following me? (notice I didn't ask if you cared).

My insurance company, an honest firm rhyming with AbrahamLincolnGeorgeWashington, refunded their money (and told me about it--That was a nice letter to get, useful as a bludgeon) only to have the Fuckwit Mortgage Corporation secretly hide away news of the refund into the file that belongs only to those who have been faithfully paying their bills every goddamn month, month after month, since the Clinton era.

Fortunately, as noted, I am on top of these various plots and have bent these bastards to my will and to Truth itself, along with the patience to guide the foolish little jr fuckwit employee to the long lost secret file that proved to them that yes, indeed, my monthly payment should drop down from the heights that they had invented.

I should have been a lawyer (though that would require more than 3 full hours of attendance at my place of work per week, so forget it).

extra fun note: I didn't even add another great little scam that we recently uncurled here--the hospital that brought my child into the world also helpfully figured out how to double charge us for everything--bill to the child's name and also to "Girl Baby", double dip, bury it in the details, brilliant stuff.

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