Life back in the Soviet Union.
The bed-shitting rocket scientists that I work for have instituted a new policy since I have been gone. They now open everybody's packages when they arrive. This should keep morale high (leaving aside the obvious and significant legal and ethical considerations). I learned this when I came back to a pile of packages, all of them neatly opened.
Those of you who know me of course would figure I would respond with total calm, peaceable love, wouldn't-it-be-a-great-day-when-the-air-force-had-to-hold-a-bake-sale-to-buy-a-bomber kind of goodtime vibes. Open my mail, hey why the fuck not, seriously, have at it, bro! It's almost the Fourth of July!